Originally written in Spring 2008
Germs, germs, EVERYWHERE!
What the hell?
It’s Spring, inching closer and closer to Summer.
And here we are. Sick. Infections. Icky Mucus.
Why, oh, why is my counter littered with prescription bottles? I’ve gotten over the hump of an illness, well, several, and have the lingering gasping for breath and coughing fits, where my head feels like it’s going to explode from the force. As I can feel the compulsion to cough approach, the cartoon image of one’s head popping off fills my head. of course, this episode chewed up 4.5 days of vacation time I didn’t have. Oh wait, that’s right. I was docked for it. That is for another blog.
Most people use their common sense and try to stay home when they are contagious. Most. Then, you’ve got people that won’t stay home no matter what. Won’t go to the doctor to stop being contagious. Those are whom I label as carriers. Spreading their “joy” from one person to another, coughing on you, coughing into their hand as they reach for the candy jar, leaning on the printer and coughing into the paper return. You know the types. The same ones that wipe their nose and never washes their hands. I’m a compulsive ‘handwasher’. If I even THINK I’ve coughed into my hands, they get washed. That just IRKS me. Get what I’m saying? You know the Lysol commercial with the little green squigglies crawling all over the door knobs, phones, and toys?
Yeah, they had these carriers in mind when they dreamt that up.
So, I’ve introduced a coworker I call Stoney in previous blogs. He now likes to be addressed as the “Gooch”, but, that too is for another blog. What a character. One day, he and I got to talking, and hashed out our issues with said carriers. Amongst all this sickness, we’ve come up with another way to dodge the little monsters.
We call this the office SARS mask. Available in several different pastel colors, it can protect us from the illness or block the carriers from spreading the illness. Either way, it’s a win-win, right??? If used effectively, it can ward away most illnesses. Or at least send a message. I’m thinking more message than protection, but, either way, it’s useful!
Step 1. Infectious person approaches
Step 2. Ask walking infection to hold on for a sec
Step 3. In an obvious fashion, grab a kleenex. If none is available, RUN, not walk, to the closest restroom and grab a paper towel. If no paper towel is available, snag some toilet paper. A long piece. It’s the message we’re after here and continue on to Step 4.
Step 4. Put the Kleenex/paper towel to your face, covering mouth and nose. If you have goggles, place them over your eyes now. If you have toilet paper, make sure you grabbed enough to wrap around your head, bandit style.
Step 5. Tell infection to proceed.
There have been several renditions of this mask, however, the previous ones were deemed problematic after say, a minute or so… Chadillionaire modeled this one. This image was used in other blogs, but, it’s so fitting here.
I’m sure, by now, you realize what the issue is here.
Here’s another picture we took, but, this seemed to make people talk to him rather than ward them away. So, we had to nix this one quickly. He also had to be quite careful as this too can become problematic.
Our search continues for the perfect office apparatus to ward away sickness.
Until then… Be careful out there… It’s stupid.